Clifford James

Mens trousers are not pants

Robin Falvey — Wed, 02 May 2012 09:58:34 +0000

George Bernard Shaw, Winston Churchill and Oscar Wilde have all at some time, been credited with commenting that Britain and America are two great nations divided by a common language.

On the far side of the pond, mens trousers are ‘pants’, and by pants we don’t mean rubbish. See how confusing it gets?

The potential for trans-atlantic mystification is considerable, so let’s take a moment to get things straight.

Hamburger or beefburger?

Hamburgers or beefburgers?

Thanks to the prevalence of American fast food outlets across the British Isles, few of us would bat an eyelid at the thought of ordering a ‘ham’ burger, but why isn’t this food item correctly described as a ‘beef’ burger?

The explanation has nothing at all to do with pigs – and everything to do with the Germans. Low quality, shredded beef, seasoned and served in a bun was a dish imported to America by German immigrants from Hamburg.

Suspenders or braces?

In the UK, a chap who wears suspenders, would probably do so at home, and then only at weekends. Not so in America, where men wear suspenders in public.

Here in the UK men wear braces to hold up their trousers, suspenders are a belt used to hold up ladies’ stockings. To our American friends they are a means of preventing men’s trousers, sorry, pants, from falling down. Confused? You will be if it turns out he has on a garter belt beneath.

John or Loo?

In the UK, it is Thomas Crapper who is widely credited with inventing the flushing toilet. However the Americans have identified, an Elizabethan courtier and God-son of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth I, John Harrington, as the originator of the toilet – which is why they call it the ‘John’. Harrington himself, nicknamed his creation, the ‘Ajax’, which comes from an even older word for the lavatory, the ‘jenks’.

As to why here in the UK, we call toilet, the ‘loo’, nobody really knows for sure. It could relate to the practise of yelling, ‘gardez l’eau’ before chucking the contents of a chamber pot out of the window. Or to the European euphemism ‘Room 100’, and possibly to one ‘Lady Lousia’, the unpopular wife of a 19th century Lord Lichfield, whose name was once pinned to a lavatory door.

Bum bag or fanny pack?

An invitation to ‘park your fanny’, is merely an indication from an American, that you should ’sit down’. However, this friendly gesture could cause considerable consternation to an uninformed Brit.

In the United states, one’s ‘fanny’, refers to one’s bottom, but in the UK, the word relates to an altogether different part of the anatomy. Similarly, the mention of a ‘fanny pack’, would be a great cause of mirth for British School children, whereas ‘bum bag’, to an American might be taken to mean, a bag carried by a tramp.

Band Aid or plaster?

Cut your finger here in the UK and the chances are that you’d stick a plaster on it. But what if the casualty is an American? An anguished cry for a ‘bandaid’, could inspire a helpful Brit to dial an 0800 number to leave a donation. Either that or he or she will start humming, ‘Do they know it’s Christmas?’.

If your injury is more serious, then a trip to casualty may ensue. Luckily, in the UK, treatment is free for all, but over in the States, you’d better hope that your health insurance is up to date!

Apartments or flats?

If a Brit refers to an apartment, they’re either an estate agent doing the hard sell or someone trying to make their accommodation sound more upmarket than it really is. Americans are quite right to call their homes, ‘apartments’, because they got the word from the French, who in turn got their word from the Italian, ‘appartimento’ meaning ‘a separate place’, which in turn comes from the Latin ‘partem’.

Our ‘flats’, by contrast, are not the result of Roman conquest, but old English, meaning ‘floor’, ‘hall’, or ‘story of a house’. We got the word from the Germanic hordes that invaded us after the Romans left.

Gardening Olympics – Mowing Medals and the 100m Scarifier

Robin Falvey — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 10:21:50 +0000

What if there was a Gardening Olympics?

As I write, loose limbed young athletes, the very cream of the crop from countries around the world are limbering up for the greatest show on earth; the Olympics.

But what if gardening was a sport? From the 10m daffodil deadhead to the 100m scarifier, here is our guide to the toughest events of the Gardening Olympics – the greatest ‘sow’ on earth.

Parsnip Pentathlon

An unusual choice for the inaugural event at the first ever gardening olympiad, but the parsnip pentathlon would undoubtedly make for one of the most gruelling events for the olympic gardener.

First, the earth must be dug over and sieved to remove stones. The hole is then prepared, fertilised, filled and finally the seeds inserted. This is a task requiring patience, attention to detail and accuracy – certainly not for the faint hearted.

Mowing Medals

Mowing presents a true contest of skill. There’d be points awarded for straightness, points for creative endeavour and also points for the elegance of the turn.

Mowing is of course already a sport in its own right but for the olympic event, there would be several categories; hand mowing, electric, petrol, sit on and of course, the 100m scythe.

10m Daffodil Deadhead

10m Squared Daffodil Deadhead

Not to be confused with the deadlift, the deadhead requires excellent hand, eye coordination, a good wrist action and thoroughness. The 10m squared daffodil deadhead would challenge even the most experienced gardener.

Imagine the debates that would rage about which species of flower to select for the event; Daffs don’t grow everywhere after all. Rather than ‘altitude’ training, some gardening athletes would probably have to resort to ‘latitude’ training.

Speed Weeding

The scourge of every gardener, the elimination of weeds would make a perfect olympic event. Just as a hurdler has to combine, speed with clean jumping, the weeder’s score would take into account both time taken and the number of weeds missed.

As a subcategory of weeding, hoeing would also feature in our Gardening Olympics, with points deducted for mistaking seedlings for weed shoots.

Box Hedging

An event that combines athleticism with artistry; boxing would be judged by a multinational panel of experts. Score cards would be held aloft; the dream of every entrant, a line of perfect nines.

This could only be achieved by faultless, immaculate use of secateurs on the box hedge combined with the divine creativity of the topiary employed. Pruning, a less glamorous sport battling for recognition would not be recognised as an olympic event, much to the frustration of campaigners for its inclusion.

100m Scarifier

Few gardening tasks call for as much elbow grease as scarifying a lawn by hand. With events over a range of distances, the 100 metres scarifier would be the blue riband event of the Gardening Olympics. Tall, muscular, lycra clad, welly wearing gardeners would strut about before the start, eyeing each other up, trying to face down their opponents.

Silence for the start, the tension is palpable. A loud bang and they’re off, moss and thatch flying in all directions. One draws ahead of the field, knees pumping, rake going like the clappers. He dips his chest as he crosses the line, victorious. Later, tears fill the champion’s eyes as he climbs the podium to receive the golden seed tray and in a later interview he gives all the credit to his Mum.

Deck chairs on the titanic and other sun-traps to avoid

Robin Falvey — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 08:06:30 +0000

Choose your deck chair location carefully

A deck chair on the titanic may have seemed like a great place to lounge away the days, sipping cocktails as the great ocean liner ploughed across the Atlantic, but as it turned out, it was a total disaster.

Here’s some modern day destinations that appear to be nice sun-traps, but on closer inspection are the worst places in the world to unfold your deck chairs.

Mount Etna, Sicily

Volcanoes might melt your deck chair

It may seem obvious but generally speaking, rolling out your towel on the side of a volcano would be considered a bad idea…except if you happen to be Sicilian. Mount Etna is one of the world’s most active volcanoes and is in more or less constant activity.

The laid back locals have got so used to their island mountain’s fiery outbursts though, that they are content to sizzle in the sun at the beach while the fireworks continue unheeded. In 2000, Etna, started blowing smoke rings – but no one noticed…

Second Beach, South Africa

Avoid shark infested waters when bathing

In the UK, a trip to the seaside brings a risk of frostbite rather than shark bite. For us, the thought of lying on a deckchair next to a shark pool, seems pretty, crazy. But to others from ‘hot countries’, being eaten alive by a razor toothed killing machine is just, ‘one of those things’.

If you get too hot and fancy a paddle – perhaps it’s best not to go to Second Beach in Port St Johns, in the Eastern Cape province of South Africa. It’s the world’s most dangerous beach for fatal shark attacks. One every year since 2007 – think about it – every other beach in the world is safer. Paddle in the sea anyone?

Kamilo Beach, Hawaii

Don't let your deck chair become beach debris

Most of us are pretty careful to make sure that we bag and bin our rubbish before we go home. Man as a species however, is a filthy animal and responsible for pollution on a global scale. Seen from a distance, Kamilo, ‘plastic’ Beach, Hawaii, looks like heaven.

From deckchair level, it’s a vision of hell. At one time the accumulation of debris was 10 feet deep and covered 90% of the beach. Heroic cleanup efforts by local conservationists have made inroads into the trash pile, but more keeps arriving, driven there by storms at sea from a vast ‘garbage eddy’ in the Pacific Ocean.

Copacabana Beach, Brazil

Copacabana - a dodgy place choice for deckchair lovers

Where? Copacabana Beach, Rio de Janeiro. Once the centre of Brazil’s beach culture and the epitome of 1950’s chic, sadly this particular strip of sand has become a very dodgy choice for deckchair lovers. Since Barry Manilow enshrined the beach in song, vice, violence and crime have replaced the ‘music and passion’, so if you want to hang onto your wallet, maybe go somewhere else.

Having said that, the Brazilian authorities are making strides to restore the area to its former glory including spending £200,000 on deodorising a nearby sewage farm. So if you should find yourself sipping a pina colada at Copacabana and smell jasmine – it’s probably masking the stench of something else entirely.

Valdes Peninsula, Argentina

Avoid sunbathing next to three ton seals

The Valdes Peninsula, Argentina, is home to one of the world’s largest elephant seal colonies. These animals are gargantuan. A Southern bull can reach 16 feet in length and weighs in at a mighty three tonnes. During the mating season, alpha males fight it out over the ladies.

After bludgeoning each other with their teeth, and chests, the defeated seal drags itself off to fight another day and to the victor the spoils. Lounge on your deck chair next to the winner and you’ll get more than you bargained for!

Serious slippers for serious men

Jules Anthony — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 09:03:55 +0000

Serious men wear serious slippers

Seated in a brown leather Chesterfield armchair in a book-lined office of power, some men literally have their finger on the button.

These men take their domestic footwear seriously and wouldn’t be seen dead in a pair of novelty slippers. When it comes to serious men, only serious slippers for men will do.

The Churchill

The Churchill slipper exudes quality and good taste

For the cigar smoking, rabble-rousing leader of men, the Churchill exudes quality and good taste whilst having the sturdy backbone to fight a cause all the way to victory.

The Moccasin

A moccasin is the metaphorical beard on a billionaire

For the wealthy capitalist with a bohemian past, the moccasin will take the edge of all that power and is the metaphorical beard on a billionaire. Relaxed and rugged on the surface, but sporting a workaholic sole that always keeps up with the jet setting capitalist.

The Chatsworth

Chatsworth slippers for secret agents

For the regal, yet relaxed gentleman of foreign affairs, the Chatsworth is the perfect host for the diplomat — warm and charming, yet ruthlessly efficient when comfort is compromised.

The Carlton

The Carlton slipper for compelling power

For the generalissimo with his finger on the trigger, the no nonsense Carlton hits the target when it comes to being admired for compelling power. Strong, durable and unafraid of being mauled by the dogs of war, this slipper always comes out fighting.

The Leather Mule

The leather mule never falters under pressure

For the consultant surgeon, who needs to be able to kick off in a hurry, the leather mule is cultured, precise and will never falter under a bit of pressure. The perfect cut for the sharp fingered.

The Invincible

Invincible slippers for the eccentric genius

For the eccentric genius, who is partial to wearing his dressing gown and slippers to the supermarket whilst contemplating the meaning of life. Invincibles are the slippers of choice for the intellectually occupied and are most prepared to keep twinkling toes warm during random midnight ventures.

iPhone vs simple mobile phone

Jules Anthony — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 09:20:33 +0000

iPhone vs simple mobile phone

We live in the technological age — an age where gadgets rule and populations are getting wired, connected or plugged in.

Phones are no longer just phones, but little robot friends that will make sure you know everything you don’t really need to know — if that’s what you’ve chosen.

But it doesn’t have to be that way, here are some questions to consider if you’re planning to buy a mobile phone.

Gadgets galore or time to do more

Do iPhones cure boredom?

Supposedly buying an iPhone puts an end to your boredom, so whenever you’re stood in a queue or riding on a train, you can connect to some application and learn about something random.

But, maybe you’re never bored and maybe you’d prefer to look out the window, read a book or just relax.

Simply connected or completely wired

Simple connection or fully wired?

With the built-in GPS, highly accessible Internet connection and various membership offers, you’ll find it extremely hard to stay unconnected from the net with an iPhone.

Or you may prefer to make a call on a simple mobile phone, hang up and enjoy the great outdoors.

An arm and a leg or cheap as chips

Will your new phone break the bank?

Buying an iPhone will cost you a packet and you’ll probably be locked into a long and expensive contract.

If you just want to spend a few pounds to make phone calls and not have to worry about it going missing, a simple mobile phone won’t worry the piggy bank.

Retro or robotic

Clear and simple mobile phone

Is it the high definition display, high tech touch screen and curvy casing of the iPhone you can’t resist?

Or do you prefer the retro functionality, big buttons and uncomplicated display of a simple mobile phone?

Phone home or learn about the universe

Simple call home or mobile disco?

Would you like to make a simple call home without a carnival of flashing lights and sound effects?

Or do you want to be bedazzled with an application about Jupiter’s moons and forget whom you were calling?

Caught in the net or free as a bird

Spellbinding mobile phones

The iPhone is a 21st century book of spells and its greatest trick is to make all your free time disappear into its shiny world.

If you prefer to switch off after a long day, but want to stay connected to family and friends, simple mobile phones are for you.

Log splitters and other time saving man tools

Jules Anthony — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 08:29:49 +0000

When the going gets tough, the tough guys bring out the man tools.

Unless you’re a glutton for punishment and enjoy doing things the hard way, there’s nothing more satisfying than bringing out the man toys.

Log splitters

The ultimate wood chopper

Reduce a pile of logs to firewood in no time with the powerful log splitter. Exerting tonnes of pressure onto quivering logs and even capable of splitting two logs at a time. The log splitter is the real king of the forest and will save you hours.

Ride-on lawnmower

Lawnmower motorsports

No need to feel like a donkey pushing and pulling your granddaddy’s lawnmower all day long. Mowing lawns, big lawns, should be fun and involve petrol mowers you can ride around on. Or take it a step further and drive them around a racetrack.

Power drill

Fantastically flexible power drill

Unless you have arms like Popeye, using a manual screwdriver to put something together is going to take you much longer than a power drill. Power drills are flexible, noisy and make holes fast — just watch what you’re doing especially when posing for photographs.

Chainsaw

Crowd pleasing chainsaw

A crowd favourite due to its high danger rating, the chainsaw will literally saw hours off time and reduce mighty oaks to sawdust. Just be extra careful with this one.

Garden shredder

Garden shredders eat brambles for breakfast

Let’s face it; gardening can be an enjoyable pastime — it’s cleaning up all the mess afterwards that can be a serious chore. Not if you have the garden shredder around. Just put awkward brambles and prickly things in the top and hey presto you have friendly compost.

Nail gun

Extremely macho nail gun

Noisy, abrupt and extremely macho, the nail gun fires nails into most surfaces very quickly. If you’re clumsy with a hammer and your fingers tend to be purple most of the time, the nail gun is your new best friend. Just watch where you point it.

Stud or dud? What men’s slippers can tell you

Jules Anthony — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 09:53:46 +0000

What are your slippers saying?

There’s a common belief floating around the glossy pages of women’s magazines that you can judge a man by his choice of shoe. Many men are aware of this belief, so naturally they dress to impress in the shoe department.

However, when the curtains are drawn and the guards are down, mens slippers emerge. And the slippers are where the secrets hide.

Leather Slip-Ons

Hardworking slip-ons

Unchanged for 30 years, old faithful himself, Mr Leather won’t let you down. Hardworking, robust and an eye for the finer things in life.

He also probably drives a Ford Sierra Cosworth and likes listening to Spandau Ballet on his Walkman.

Knitted slippers

Cuddly knitted slippers
Photo by Brgjane

Full of love and extremely cuddly, Mr Knitted is the apple of his mother’s eye.

But he’s not very tough and no good when it gets wet.

Animal slippers

Eccentric slippers
Photo by Antonangelo De Martin

Eccentric and nature loving, Mr Animal has a great sense of humour and loves having fun.

Although, he finds it difficult to turn off the jokes and may look like a wally when dining in Paris.

Minimal slippers

Reliably minimal slippers

Does the job, ticks the boxes, but doesn’t really stand out from the crowd.

If you’re looking for unspectacular reliability without all the fanfare, then Mr Minimal it is.

Furry slippers

Irresistible slippers

Bring out the Barry White music and re-lax, ah yes. Mr Furry is hot, passionate and irresistible to onlookers.

Not renowned for lasting relationships though.

Moccasins

Socially responsible moccasins

Socially responsible, flexible and takes a practical approach to life.

Mr Moccasins knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to take control. Can be lazy at times though.

Trusty slippers

Committed slippers

Trustworthy, straightforward and committed to keeping things warm.

Mr Trusty might sometimes be labelled boring, but Mr Trusty doesn’t care.

Exotic slippers

Well-travelled slippers

Well travelled, open-minded and a little bit bonkers, Mr Exotic will bring the tastes of foreign lands into your world.

He might also bring insanity.

Weird slippers

Alternative slippers
Photo by Inger Maaike

There’s alternative and then there’s just plain weird. There’s not much to say about these slippers apart from avoid them — unless you’re a fan of the Teletubbies.

Choose your men’s slippers wisely.

Should have got some ice treads

Robin Falvey — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 10:40:34 +0000

Regardless of whether you have two legs, strong wings, webbed feet or furry claws.

When it comes to walking on frozen water, ice treads are the only way to remain upright.

So sit down safely and have a chuckle with this collection of slip-ups:

Humans on ice

Cat on ice

Dog on ice

Ducks on ice

Turkeys on ice

Kids on ice

Unconventional uses for snow chains

Jules Anthony — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 09:56:52 +0000

The conventional way to use snow chains
Photo by Gunnsteinlye

Winter can take us by surprise with it’s freezing snow blizzards and unsociable behaviour, but not if you’re prepared.

Oh yes! If you’re properly kitted out with Arctic clothing and you’ve fixed snow chains on to your car, you’ll take deep snow in your stride.

Trouble is, it’s very mild this year in the U.K and there’s not a snowflake in sight. Time to get creative with those snow chains, folks.

Luggage security

Protect your possessions with snow chains
Photo by Darwin Bell

If you’re going somewhere nice or just going somewhere on public transport make sure your valuables are well protected, by attaching snow chains around your suitcase.

Also requires a padlock and some muscles to lift the luggage afterwards.

Hanging plant holder

Snow chains make strong hanging baskets
Photo by Susy Morris

An exotic plant can really bring a room to life especially if it’s potted in a hanging basket.

Just be aware that if your going to plant a giant beast from the Amazon in your bathroom, you’ll need a hardcore hanging basket.

Fancy dress – Mr T

Show and shine like Mr T with snow chains

If you’re going to a fancy dress party as Mr T, don’t wimp out on plastic chains sprayed gold. Go for the real deal and carefully wrap those snow chains around your shoulders.

By the time you return home, your muscles will be twice the size of Mr T’s after carrying the weight of snow chains all night.

Dog Armour

Snow chains make super strong dog armour
Photo by Mark Robinson

Protect your little terrier from aggro dogs with super strong dog armour. Just wrap around any mongrel and if he doesn’t scare off other dogs with all his bling, he’ll break their teeth when they try to bite him.

Careful with this one though as we’d like to say, “no animals were harmed in this blog”.

Emergency Fencing

Strong and secure - snow chain emergency fencing
Photo by Kai Schreiber

Something a bit more serious after robo-mongrel. If you’re ever in need of a bit of fencing or need a temporary barrier to block your driveway, just attach some snow chains together.

Your new trusty chain blockade will stop any unwanted escapes or intrusions.

Exercise Equipment

Keep fit with snow chains
Photo by Jon Tunnell

Is your New Years resolution to get fit? Well, forget spending all your cash on workout videos and gym subscriptions. Simply fill two sturdy bags with snow chains and lift them up a lot.

Keep up the good work until Spring and you’ll have a body ready for the beach in Summer.

Around the world in eight pairs of slippers

Robin Falvey — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 09:29:21 +0000

After a hard day’s work, there’s nothing better than taking off your shoes and putting on a comfortable pair of slippers.

But do you know your jutti from your mukluks? Across the world, footwear traditions vary according to culture and climate.

So put your feet up, and read on for our very own slippers world tour.

Clogs

Wooden slippers

Clogs are typically associated with the Dutch, but this form of footwear was once worn right across northern Europe. Cheap, practical and surprisingly comfortable, designs vary enormously between countries. In France, clogs are called ‘sabots’ and it is thought that from this word comes ‘sabotage’.

It is not clear exactly why the footwear of the French peasantry should be linked with industrial skulduggery, but suggestions include disgruntled workers throwing their clogs into the machinery – the equivalent of putting a spanner in the works.

Espadrilles

Rope soled slippers

The ubiquitous slipper of choice across the Pyrennean region, the name derives from the word ‘esparto’ – a tough grass from which rope for the soles was made. Canvas topped, the espadrille is the ultimate in light weight breathable footwear.

Modern espadrilles are brightly coloured slip-ons with soles made from jute. The originals were secured to the feet by laces that were wrapped around the ankles.

Tsarouhi

Greek military slippers

The Greeks are famed for their spectacular national dress. The full sleeves, embroidered waistcoat and pleated kilt worn by the Evzone guards are finished with a pair of Tsarouhi, the pompom adorned Greek slipper.

The shoe originated in the mountainous regions of the country. It has a pointed toe and the fabulous woolen pompoms, now decorative rather than functional. They were originally a rather unique way of water-proofing the shoe.

Moccasins

Native Indian slippers

The plains Indians opted for the hard soled variety owing to the rugged nature of the terrain and the existence of cacti in the South. But the soft soled moccasins that make such comfortable slippers, were worn by the tribes from the Eastern side of North America.

These peoples typically travelled on foot across the leaf and moss padded forest floors. The footwear was particularly versatile as it offered the hunter gatherers protection for their feet while maintaining the ability to feel the ground through the sole.

Mukluks

Furry snow slippers

Made from reindeer or seal skin the mukluk is soft soled and incredibly light weight; the ultimate ‘Santa’ slipper. Its design is useless in temperate areas where water from wet ground would soon soak through the supple hides, but in the high arctic regions the mukluk is an invaluable piece of kit.

The key lies in the garment’s breathe-ability. In conditions of extreme cold, any perspiration that is not kept away from the skin becomes a dangerous contributor to frostbite, but the mukluk is dry as well as toasty.

Jutti

Asian leather slippers

In Northern India and Pakistan, the discerning slipper wearer wouldn’t be seen dead without his jutti. A highly distinctive item of footwear, jutti are traditionally made from leather. They are highly decorated with embroidery, bead work and an extended toe that curls up at the end.

It is impossible to put your jutti on the wrong way round because rather than having a left and right slipper – both are the same. Over time, the leather conforms to the feet of the wearer.

Geta

Japanese wooden slippers

The Japanese geta may not look particularly comfortable but their high rise design certainly has an advantage in wet or snowy weather. The traditional geta is formed from a flat piece of wood with two wooden blocks attached beneath.

A cross between a clog and a pair of flip flops, the geta are attached to the foot via a thong which passes between the big toe and first toe. The design was very practical for wearers of the ankle length, Kimono, keeping the expensive garment clear of mud and dirt.

Churchill slipper

The ultimate British slipper

What could be more British than the Churchill slipper? Made from the finest nappa leathers with a cushioned leather sock and real leather sole.

The epitome of elegance and style, we’re sure that however far you travel, you’ll agree that the most comfortable slippers are those designed at home!